Friday 6 June 2014

This is my year. I just know it!

I feel the worst thing that anyone can do is compare themselves to other people that they deem to be successful, usually due to some sort of societal standard that dictates that you have to have a high-power career by 25 and 2.5 kids (or 1.5, you're not a statistic of the 21st century, you special snowflake) by the time you turn 30. 

I'm completely guilty of comparing myself to these standards. And it's the weirdest thing, because when I was 13 years old I wanted nothing to do with university or letting anyone get near my own genitals. When we drove by beautiful homes all I could think about was how much room there would be for fun. 

Now I'm worrying about whether I'll even have a full-time career by the time I'm 25, can't imagine putting a down payment on anything let alone a husband (that'll be 10 goats and 20 sacks of rice, darling), and every time I see a gorgeous house surrounded with ample forest and rolling lake shore waves I think how much the occupant must be paying out monthly. I miss a time when I could be making finger paintings with my mouth full of cookie dough and not have to worry about student loans. 

Times are changing, obviously. But I will say that I would give anything in the world to go back to a time when trying to get a job and thinking about my future weren't even in my peripheral. I want to roll in the dirt and dance in the rain and find someone who, when they spot me dancing in the rain like a lunatic, will be unafraid to come and join me in the mud.

I want a job that I can be proud of. I don't want to list off the three-to-four part time jobs I hold at once at any given time in my post-high school-life that keeps me busy and profitable enough that I don't feel like a completely dependent child that is still living at her parents' home. When you ask me what I do for a living, I want to say "well, I'm a [dream job that is also realistically attainable and profitable. Somewhat]" and not "Well I worked as a hostess at a restaurant by day and I tutor children during the weekend and occasionally get kickass opportunities to actually get paid real money to write - the thing I love to do."

And don't get me wrong. I loved every single part-time job I kept and I wouldn't make any different choices. It's just that, at some point, I want to be able to state my profession in a sentence less than seven words and not have people confused about what I proudly do for a living. 

For some reason, I've been feeling a sense of panic that if I didn't have a job almost straight out of finishing my degree, I would be a complete failure. But now I've come to accept that maybe using this extra time to better myself with regular exercise and writing will help me better than simply taking every opportunity from graduation to employment for granted. 

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